You’re a pea brained, prat headed, talentless pillock headed….

Before you ask… no that’s not one of my more “educational comments” to an assistant or student…  

And no I’ve never, ever been tempted… because a friend and colleague told me of the day he was shooting a car on 10”x8” film (long time ago now!) from up a very tall ladder…at the end of which he realised the assistant had miss loaded all the film…time for a “Gordon Ramsey?” No... for as he said who’s was the bigger fault…the assistant for miss loading or him for not checking…and standing up a ladder swearing at yourself only convinces those watching that you really have lost it!

However before Gordon Ramsay made such outbursts "famous" the comedian Lenny Henry was doing it… just better and funnier! Indeed re-watching episodes from his “kitchen comedy” CHEF!, recently released on YouTube, still leave me doubled up… nearly ten years before Gordon made such outbursts on television "bollocking" Gareth Blackstock was doing it!

And what does this have to do with photography… you may well ask?

Some time ago now we were working in a new hotel and during a long day arrived in the Restaurant to see a selection of the chef’s signature dishes laid out ready for photography.

These included a bowl of Crayfish, looking fantastic on a bed of crushed ice. Needless to say we were under a little pressure to get the shots required before the re-opening of the Restaurant for evening service.

Things were going really well until I noticed that the Crayfish had moved between frames.., though I couldn’t remember moving the bowl and was sure I hadn’t asked my assistant, or so I thought… anyway... eye to camera I simply asked for the bowl to be moved and a hand appeared in frame to make the adjustment…

When the hand of my assistant touched the bowl the Crayfish reached out and oh so gently grasped a finger with it’s claw… my assistant froze! I had trouble seeing... as I was crying…with laughter…and the talented chef calmly and quietly commented that they actually weren’t cooked, simply kept “on-ice” until required... and clearly the photographer's lights were perhaps a little warm!

And how would Chef Blackstock have dealt with such an “escape attempt”… well just watch… when at 4.10 into the shortened video below he has first to deal with "runny mayonnaise" and is then told that all the Crayfish have escaped… "You’re a pea brained, prat headed, talentless, pillock headed... What are you…??"

To see the full episode CHEF1 Season 1 Episode 5 / BBC Worldwide

Weddings, Parties, Stag Do's, Hiking Holidays and your Business Profile

I was invited to speak last night to a group of local businesses at Darlington Business Club, as part of a presentation on social media. I was following Claire Mitchell of 19Marketing, the group Chair, who spoke about social media, what it meant and how it could form part of each and every business marketing plan.

I was there to share some examples of why everybody should think carefully about the images they use... particularly as a "Profile Image".

I didn't need to say much just pull a few "horrors" from that well known professional networking link site... business owners and directors using party pictures holding large drinks complete with fruit and umbrellas... the works! Then there was the commercial director of a large insurance company using his hiking holiday picture... complete with shorts! The marketing and advertising executive pictured on holiday, slumped in an airport chair looking bored, bored, bored! ( I know that feeling! ). Perhaps the one Profile Image which brought the house down was the web development director pictured acting the monkey up a tree!

You only have to think of the number of images that hit you on a given day, and how efficient you are at making subconscious assessments based on image content and style to realise the full implications. We all do it everyday... so what does your image say about you?

Perhaps as photographers we could all blame the rise of the "IPhone-O-Matic mug shot machine" but really I think it comes down to the fact that often business people don't realise the audiencesuch images will reach through any of the social media platforms.

Indeed I've heard from others that some companies are actually using employee I.D.badge photos as avatars for their Twitter folks, on Facebook pages or LinkedIn Profiles... Talk about being "penny-wise and pound-foolish!"

Having said that a quick trip to the local "omnipresent"supermarket is guaranteed to raise a smile... just look at the Customer Service Board with pictures of the Manager, Head of Vegetables, Baker etc... seriously they expect us to buy our food from them... yikes!

My part of the evening finished with an audience question on Copyright and Photography... foolish, foolish... I had to warn the audience that I had "form" on this subject and they'd best be prepared not to see family and friends for days... the last time I got into that subject myself and an interested group were the last one's in the bar and I don't think the glazed expressions were "liquid induced!" It was really interesting to see that the creatives in the room knew the score, but some of the other businesses represented didn't realise what was right and wrong.

Anyway it was a great experience, many thanks to Claire for the invitation and just to "keep this photography" below are a few portraits created for my clients...

The Midnight Munchies...

Do you ever wake in the night... there is something lurking out there, but you can't quite describe it... you can feel it inside you... you know it's there... then it strikes you... hunger!

Me, I sleep through most things... a 2 year old with a keen desire to communicate her love for her parents at the top of her lungs doesn't wake me... though an elbow in the ribs apparently works!

However if I were to wake I imagine that in my semi conscious state, with difficulty in forming coherent thoughts... no change there I hear some cry... then I might be very impressed to open the bedside drawer to find a selection of suitable chocolate confectionary.

Sadly this will never happen to me... living in a house with 3 females prevents any chance of chocolate making it to it's "sell by date"... but I know a hotel that will cater for those midnight munchies...

After 5 years, almost exactly to the day, we returned recently to the Wensleydale Heifer, near West Witton in Wensleydale, to create new imagery of the additional new rooms and latest menu dishes.

The new rooms all have individual themes, as did the original rooms created when the Heifer opened, now including "the Chocolate Room" where the bedside drawers, cupboards, framed prints, bathroom murals and decor all pay tribute to chocolate... sweet dreams!

We had so much fun, working once again with David, Lewis, Chris and the rest of the team there that I'll post again... more tk...