You’re a pea brained, prat headed, talentless pillock headed….

Before you ask… no that’s not one of my more “educational comments” to an assistant or student…  

And no I’ve never, ever been tempted… because a friend and colleague told me of the day he was shooting a car on 10”x8” film (long time ago now!) from up a very tall ladder…at the end of which he realised the assistant had miss loaded all the film…time for a “Gordon Ramsey?” No... for as he said who’s was the bigger fault…the assistant for miss loading or him for not checking…and standing up a ladder swearing at yourself only convinces those watching that you really have lost it!

However before Gordon Ramsay made such outbursts "famous" the comedian Lenny Henry was doing it… just better and funnier! Indeed re-watching episodes from his “kitchen comedy” CHEF!, recently released on YouTube, still leave me doubled up… nearly ten years before Gordon made such outbursts on television "bollocking" Gareth Blackstock was doing it!

And what does this have to do with photography… you may well ask?

Some time ago now we were working in a new hotel and during a long day arrived in the Restaurant to see a selection of the chef’s signature dishes laid out ready for photography.

These included a bowl of Crayfish, looking fantastic on a bed of crushed ice. Needless to say we were under a little pressure to get the shots required before the re-opening of the Restaurant for evening service.

Things were going really well until I noticed that the Crayfish had moved between frames.., though I couldn’t remember moving the bowl and was sure I hadn’t asked my assistant, or so I thought… anyway... eye to camera I simply asked for the bowl to be moved and a hand appeared in frame to make the adjustment…

When the hand of my assistant touched the bowl the Crayfish reached out and oh so gently grasped a finger with it’s claw… my assistant froze! I had trouble seeing... as I was crying…with laughter…and the talented chef calmly and quietly commented that they actually weren’t cooked, simply kept “on-ice” until required... and clearly the photographer's lights were perhaps a little warm!

And how would Chef Blackstock have dealt with such an “escape attempt”… well just watch… when at 4.10 into the shortened video below he has first to deal with "runny mayonnaise" and is then told that all the Crayfish have escaped… "You’re a pea brained, prat headed, talentless, pillock headed... What are you…??"

To see the full episode CHEF1 Season 1 Episode 5 / BBC Worldwide

Set Building... Or some things are just best done in a studio...

Some wiser photographer than me once said "...photography is 95% preparation and 5% creativity..." We can all argue as to the correct percentage split, as it depends on what aspect of photography we are involved in, but the principal is correct. To be prepared leaves you free to concentrate on being creative with the subject you are shooting...

We get asked to tackle some complex projects at the studio and building room sets is pretty high on the list. In this case we did this job sometime ago but as part of preparations for a couple of new projects... shh don't ask, or this blog post will self destruct... we have produced a video which shows some of the basics behind the process. As you'll see preparation is the key.

We had a very specific idea of what we wanted the pictures to look like. It was agreed with the client building a set was the only way to ensure that vision would become a reality. Too often, the outcome of a photo shoot can be left to chance. Hoping the lights will fit in the room, or that the walls will be the colour you want, or that there won’t be an ugly picture on the wall.  

There are a million little things like this which have an effect on the outcome of the final image... something clients can often not appreciate when they suggest you shoot in the showroom or customers home! Do you cross your fingers and hope the location you are shooting happen to have colours and furniture that go with the concept you have in mind, or do you prepare all these details before hand? Guess which is less stressful...

With 12 large, heavy, expensive marble and stone fireplaces to shoot there was just no possibility of shooting these on location... either in the client's showroom which had limited space or in customer home's... which might have some very dodgy decor! The only solution was building, lighting and propping a sequence of room sets.... so out with the hammer, the screwdriver, the timber and the paint... not to mention the flooring...

The Midnight Munchies...

Do you ever wake in the night... there is something lurking out there, but you can't quite describe it... you can feel it inside you... you know it's there... then it strikes you... hunger!

Me, I sleep through most things... a 2 year old with a keen desire to communicate her love for her parents at the top of her lungs doesn't wake me... though an elbow in the ribs apparently works!

However if I were to wake I imagine that in my semi conscious state, with difficulty in forming coherent thoughts... no change there I hear some cry... then I might be very impressed to open the bedside drawer to find a selection of suitable chocolate confectionary.

Sadly this will never happen to me... living in a house with 3 females prevents any chance of chocolate making it to it's "sell by date"... but I know a hotel that will cater for those midnight munchies...

After 5 years, almost exactly to the day, we returned recently to the Wensleydale Heifer, near West Witton in Wensleydale, to create new imagery of the additional new rooms and latest menu dishes.

The new rooms all have individual themes, as did the original rooms created when the Heifer opened, now including "the Chocolate Room" where the bedside drawers, cupboards, framed prints, bathroom murals and decor all pay tribute to chocolate... sweet dreams!

We had so much fun, working once again with David, Lewis, Chris and the rest of the team there that I'll post again... more tk...

“In memory of…”

Why do I take photographs… why do I put myself through the mental torture… because I get to go where others can’t, talk to people who I’d never get to meet without a camera in my hand and get to indulge my curiosity…

So there I was standing in a “tin hut” with a stillness and a quiet calm that defied understanding… not that it looked much from the outside, but this tin hut had a story to tell.

Apparently it originally lived on a shipyard on the banks of the Tyne, a mission chapel and a social club for the workers. When it’s days there were over it was dismantled and rebuilt in a suburb of a small North East town, as a church and community centre.

The walls were still lined with horsehair insulation, beneath the “modern” tin panels… perhaps that’s what made it so still and calm inside, amidst the memories of countless church services, children’s excited laughter, Saturday afternoon jumble sales…

But for a few short hours I had the small hall all to myself, just me, a camera, a tripod and the still silence… oh and the bright, but cloudy sky that through those windows gave a glorious simple light that seemed to match the mood…